Winter

Winter is for grieving.

It’s okay to be grieving. It’s okay to be in a season of lament and needing more space to slow down.

Oftentimes, it is during these months where people feel like they are losing time and losing sight/track of themselves. Not everyone is enthusiastic about another year.

For some, a new year is a reminder that it’s been one year since I lost that job, my loved one, moved cities, lost my house. For some, time can feel wasted.

In these moments, as they come up for my clients or even when they come up in my own life, I try to lean into hope. I try to lean into validation of the pain. The pain, the lost, the grief is all real and it’s all valid. And with that, I try to help my clients—or heck, even myself—remember what’s the thing I have control over, or even power or energy to move towards.

I try to remind myself of a few things: it’s good to reach within, but it’s not enough—I must reach out.

It’s good to reach out, but it’s not enough—I must also find a way to reach up.

And I must not get weary in the reaching. In the part of telling my story, telling my pain, telling about my grief and heartache, because that is the process of healing… it requires me to reach.

So let me break this down.

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First: I Reach Within

First, I reach within and find a ritual or routine that is SIMPLE and easy. Something I can do every day and stick to.

Mine right now is on a whiteboard in my bedroom. It says:

BED. Floor. pray. meditate.

It means: make my bed before I leave the room. Clean the floor on my side of the bed. Pray when I wake up. Take a moment to breathe deeply and meditate. Not for 30 minutes, but for 30 seconds. Just breathe.

SIMPLE routine or ritual. Still mine. Or make your own.

About 4/7 days I’m able to do almost everything. I try not to beat myself up when I miss a day or two.

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Second: I Reach Out

Second, I reach out. Reaching within is one thing. But reaching out to my tribe is a whole other thing. It’s vulnerable, it’s scary, it’s hard. And it’s necessary.

Pain will isolate you. PERIOD.

Isolation will fester more depressive mood and make all the anxiety and fear feel even more SCARY.

So I practice reaching out. I practice sharing my vulnerable pain with my tribe. My tribe consists of therapists, my close family members, my close girlfriends, my husband, and a few close couples we trust and love.

So I reach out. When my marriage is hard, when work is tiring, when I’m emotionally spent—I reach out.

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Lastly: I Reach Up

Lastly, I reach up. Now you know theology and psychology integrate well for me, so my reaching up is spiritual.

My connection with hope absolutely comes from my faith. I do think spirituality is important to us as humans. And even if someone does not believe in God, they have a belief system. Most of us, our belief system is connected to hope, pleasure, joy, connection.

Reaching up is a reminder of what connects you to the world around you. It’s a sign of hope, a sign that you are worthy of good things and deserve good things.

For me, it’s a reminder that God is good and I am loved. SIMPLE. Not super extravagant. Just goodness and love are with me.

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I hope this reflection on winter is helpful. In winter, we are surrounded by things that are dead, half-dead, or simply at rest. I want to remind you that it makes perfect sense if you are not feeling goal-oriented. It’s okay to move slower, and rest. You deserve that slow motion too.

Remember the reaching does not necessarily have to be done in any particular order. Just trust your body. The body knows what it needs.

Joi McGowan