More than a Mother… I am worthy…
I am learning to anchor my identity in a variety of things: my faith, my culture, the safety of friends and family, my aspirations, and safe places that have felt like home or comfort.
I am Joi McGowan, a licesed professional counselor in Northwest Arkansas. I am the owner and solo-entrepenuer of Amani Counseling & Co, LLC. I am using this blog to offer mental health reflections about womanhood, culture, and empowerment, I hope this blog will help cultivate the writer in me. I see this blog as reflectiosn of mental health and everyday life. Thanks for reading more about my own story.
I am the daughter of Charlene by way of Louisiana. I am the daughter of Rachel, by way of Fayetteville, North Carolina. I am the daughter of Jackie by way of Asheville, North Carolina. I am the third born to Avril by way of Chicago. She is the woman who raised me.
Everyday I am honored to have her in our current home making our household multigenerational. I am a mother of 4 and wife to my husband for the last 12 years. As I continue in my own healing journey, I am learning to say that I am more than a mother, more than a daughter, more than a wife. I am a woman. I am a woman with dreams and passions. A woman with hopes. A woman with creativity and a woman with big convictions.
As much as I enjoy my roles as wife, daughter, sister, friend, and mother, I try to remind myself that I am more. Sometimes these roles can be difficult, overwhelming, and anxiety-producing. Sometimes these roles can leave me feeling depleted. Sometimes these roles give back to me as much as I give to them. And other times, I show up to these roles with not much to give. I am learning to remind myself of who I am outside of these roles.
As Black woman, I think I learned to define myself by how well I care for and support others. As I am maturing in life, I am realizing that my identity is not just about how well I care for others, but it’s connected to how well I care for me. Sentiments from bell hooks in her book called “all about love”, she says that love is how we nurture and care for ourselves. She makes this BIG POINT that when we truly love someone it comes from a place of how that person reminds us to love and NURTURE ourselves. This book humbles me. I am working to be the version of me that shows up when I have made enough space in my life to love, nurture, and care for myself.
I think about the intentionality that comes with caring for my two tiniest children. I’m pumping milk, changing diapers, rocking the girls to sleep, going on walks, reading stories, gathering snacks, changing diapers again,doing their hair, putting their bows on just right, fixing Merci’s puffs just right. So much intentional energy and intentional care. Yet, I still have days where my husband has to remind me to buy myself a new bra before buying my oldest daughter another outfit. I still need my mama to remind me to sit down to eat because she’s gonna hold the baby right now. Or even the sweet gestures of my oldest son to say: “Mom, I’m gonna wake up tomorrow at 6:15am and grab the baby while I watch cartoons. So you can sleep a little longer.”
Y’all I am learning to love myself with intentionality. Even if it is prompted by the family I have around me. The value of who I am is not determined by how well I love others. I am learning to anchor my identity in a variety of things: my faith, my culture, the safety of friends and family, my aspirations, and safe places that have felt like home or comfort.
Identity is bigger than what I can do or what I have done for others. Identity seems to be connected to belonging. Belonging seems to be connected to dignity. Dignity is all about value and worth. In the words of Viola Davis, “ We are all BORN W O R T H Y!”
Joi McGowan, LPC
