FRIENDSHIP

As a Black woman who is a solo entrepreneur, working mom, supportive wife, and social justice activist, I find it hard to invest in friendships. It seems like adult friendships are hard.

I love my girls! I love the Black Women I call sis, fam, and love. I love the White women who have rallied for me and my family. I love my White women friends who call me sis, love, bestie.

I love how my besties are socially, culturally, and spiritually grounding for me. These women who have been in my life for years are truly inspiring and comforting.

I have had to learn to tell myself better stories about my friends.

For me, it’s easy to talk myself out of a friendship. It’s easy to assume that friends don’t need me if they don’t reach out to me as much as I reach out to them. And when I finally sit with them, I get eyes to see them—to see how busy and full their life is. I see that it’s never been personal; it’s just been life.

Oftentimes, I have to work on calming my anxiety to trust that these friends love me. Periodt. I have to trust that if they needed space because I harmed them, they would tell me.

Friendship is intimate. It is deep, personal, and it can feel like there is never enough time.

I’ve tried to change my expectations of others and lean into friendships that have chosen to lean into me. I’ve decided life is too short to be mad, sad, or even anxious all the time.

I’ve decided that my identity is secure because I know who I am. I know who I belong to. I know what I’m capable of. I know who the people are in my life who have the capacity and ability to speak these simple truths to me over and over again.

I combat the lies of anxiety that tell me I am too much with the truth that I am just enough.

I push back on the lies I tell myself that I am a burden, and I remind myself that my friends will tell me what they have capacity for. I tell myself that a “no” is not a personal attack but a boundary—and I can honor and respect that.

Friendship is truly a gift. It is something that I hope my friends know how much I treasure them.

I hope this blog entry reminds you that you are worthy of good, caring friends. You are never alone. You are deeply loved. 💛