Afraid but not stuck…

Oftentimes, I have to remind myself that just because I’m scared, I’m never stuck. For me, fear can be crippling. It can have me spiral too far into the future or stay stuck in all the things I wish I had done differently in the past.

When this feeling rises up in my body and takes up residency in my mind, I work hard to offer her compassion.

I try to recognize that fear, in and of itself, is a signal from my body—a reminder that this activity, this new thing, causes my heart to panic or skip a beat. But it doesn’t mean I am inherently stuck here.

Sometimes it’s my friends, my family, or my faith that help me get unstuck. Sometimes it’s the compassionate tone I try to take with myself inwardly.

When I need to turn to my tribe to remember that fear can go with me toward the thing that makes me frightened, I text them. I send my SOS to my tribe, and they remind me that fear does not own me.

They remind me that fear has good reasons for showing up, but also that she’s not here to bully me into a freeze response.

When fear shows up, I call my mom. She prays for me and tells me about what I’m capable of with God on my side.

When fear shows up, I call my dad. He prays a prayer of blessing over me, asking God to give me strength.

When I’m afraid, I call my brother, and he tells me: “Sis, you don’t have to be strong.”

When I’m scared, I turn to my husband, and he reminds me there is so much for me on the other side of fear. He says: “Baby, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. Phenomenally. Whole. Unstoppable. Brilliant.”

When I’m scared, I turn to my people so I can remember who I am.

Fear simply needs reminders that we are safe enough to fail. Recently, I’ve been reading this book by Austin Channing Brown. She says, “I can never fail at being me. I might fail at being who you think I ought to be. But I can never fail at being me.”

I’ve added this to my own affirmations:

I can never fail at being me.

I was not created to FIT IN but TO BELONG.

AND I know to WHOM I BELONG.

When fear shows up, I hope that you too learn to turn—to turn to your people who can validate that your fear makes perfect sense and remind you that you’ve got everything you need to keep moving forward.

Don’t shrink back. You got this.

Joi McGowan, LPC